As I move forward, I find the trek is different than before. It's a trek affected by so many variables contributed by my success, struggles and my most sincere desires of today and for tomorrow. As someone who, at my heaviest, was a source of constant excuses and rationalizations--and then chose to rise above them in every way, I'm acutely aware and much less accepting of anything resembling an excuse or rationalization. Is it a case of being too hard on myself? No. Clearly not... It's simply a place of understanding where excuses and rationalizations for not doing the best I can, are clearly identified as such--and unless they're legitimate (and they rarely are), I automatically see through them and that takes me to a deeper place in thought. Knowing and understanding this excuse vs. action dynamic doesn't exclude anyone from struggle--Lord knows I've proved this to be true in many ways. Once the truest nature of the excuse/rationalization dynamic is revealed--it leaves only one option: Action. As in, doing.
Okay--so there is another option, sure--but it requires a retreat into the dark abyss of denial--a place where we forcefully ignore the truth in what we've learned about ourselves, a place where we deny our proven capabilities in exchange for self-destruction despite knowing a better way. Why would we choose this less than desirable option? Because it doesn't require much effort. It's easy--we flip a switch to the off position and we proceed--occasionally reminded of the better way--and pushing it back further anyway.
Recovery takes effort. The rewards are enormous. The alignment with our truest desires for internal peace and happiness is found in our thoughts and actions, the doing--and there's peace to be found, instead of turmoil, instead of struggle, instead of running against the grain of good--there's peace, harmony and success--just waiting for us to break free from whatever is holding. And isn't it a massive revelation when we discover the only thing truly holding us back, is our own thoughts?
I was so moved by a recent email I received, I decided to bring out the essence of the message for discussion on my facebook page. I've received several similar messages over the last four-plus years--but for some reason, this one just hit me harder...And it probably did because my recent struggles have taken me back--re-acquainting me with the thoughts and feelings described.
First of all--any email anyone sends me is private--and with this respect and consideration in mind, I asked the sender for permission to share--even though she wouldn't be identified in the least. I've done this before because sharing and relating is important, one on one--and with anyone who might be helped by the exchange. The facebook post received several replies--including one from Dave--the radio personality across the studio hallway from me. Of course I know Dave as much more than a radio guy--he has experience and wisdom about many things---especially recovery.
The facebook post:
That's golden. Thank you Dave!
To me, letting go and flying is about opening my mind to the spiritual side of this journey. Praying for strength, reaching out to friends and continuing to take one step at a time in a direction I undoubtedly know is right and good.
There is hope for all of us. Recovery isn't reserved for the lucky few--it's claimed by anyone who truly desires and is willing to walk in the direction of their individual truth. It doesn't have to be some grand movement--just positive movement forward with faith, intent and deliberate action.
Speaking of deliberate action... While I'm sweating on the elliptical this afternoon--getting lost in my music and pushing myself toward a good workout, I'll be reinforcing positive thoughts about this entire journey. With intimate knowledge and experience on both sides of the mental battle, I've learned something I keep repeating every chance I can: Our thoughts have real power. We gravitate toward these thoughts--and so, minding them is just as important as planning our meals and scheduling our workouts.
I plan on weighing again Wednesday. I look forward to sharing more of my progress along the way as I proceed to lose what I've gained. I say this, knowing that recovery isn't simply measured by pounds on a scale. It's measured by the level of care and importance we give to ourselves and our journey...and when we're moving forward and taking care of the inner workings of our mind--the outer results come as a side-effect. My best to you--and thank you for reading.