What a wonderful feeling it is to be taking care of me. I'm taking good care. I'm being proactive, facing issues head on and getting results. My second sleep lab Friday night was very good. I didn't sleep as long as I wanted but I slept soundly and perfectly for the first time in over three years. It was only five and a half hours worth but it was quality. Again, no instances of central apnea. And now the doctors have the data they need to prescribe me a cpap setting for optimal rest. Yay!
Proper rest will make an incredible difference for me. I'm so excited, I can't even properly explain how much. The self-critical part of me really wants to berate me for waiting so long to fully address the issue. But I'm silencing that inner voice. Because really, inner voice, what good do you expect to accomplish by bringing that up? What's done is done. I've traveled this way for a reason. And now I'm getting back on the main road. I'm not lost anymore. After learning from the previous detours, the only things that matter now are the things ahead.
Today was my blood work follow up doctors appointment and weigh-in. I spent some time replying to a facebook message today concerning weighing and how the scale can affect our emotions. And these effects can be devastating if we allow. As I typed the message, I was also reminding myself to be okay with whatever the results show today. I've lost 10 pounds. Is it less than I thought? Yes. Am I okay with this pound every 3.5 day average? YES. And I'll tell you why I'm okay with it...
With my sleep situation in a critically severe state the last several months, it's taken all the energy I can muster to get back on solid ground with my food. Exhaustion can breed depression and it certainly has with me. I've allowed myself a very lax schedule as far as exercise is concerned. I would have to go back and count the days on my fitness pal, but I'm pretty sure I've purposely exercised maybe 6 times in the last five weeks. This has been an act of self-compassion, a temporary allowance if you will, while I get my sleep situation and food under control. And quite honestly, maintaining a 1700 calorie budget has been a big enough challenge, especially after being "off the rails" for a while. I'm proud of this 10 pounds. It proves that I can lose weight again!!!!
You know what I mean? When you're in the free-fall of spiraling weight gain it sometimes feels as if losing weight can't possibly happen again. Well, this is proof positive, I can lose weight again!!
I've been so sleep deprived, it's a wonder my metabolism still works at all. Apparently it does. Perhaps not optimally, but we're going to get there. One step at a time.
My blood work came back phenomenal. Glucose: 89. Total Cholesterol: 190 Triglycerides: 73 Bad cholesterol: 137 Good cholesterol: 38 Liver: Perfect. Kidneys: Perfect... Sean: Lucky; just flat out blessed.
It's genetics. It's gotta be genetics. I'm truly blessed to get back these kinds of numbers. Oh--and I almost forgot--my blood pressure was wayyyyyy better. Slightly elevated at 140/88, but a drastic improvement from my last appointment. It wasn't like last time when it was at an "Oh my, this is scary high" type level. Instead the doctor was happy to see it had improved. And it will continue to improve!
What's the plan now? I will continue to allow 1700 calories per day. I will gradually increase exercise (especially after I get the new sleep setting around the end of the week), I will increase my water consumption (something at which I've been notoriously inconsistent-even during my initial weight loss) and I will maintain my level of support through through all the channels I currently use.
Support is key. It's absolutely crucial. We don't have to attempt to do what we're doing alone. This isn't a solo deal. I'm using a wonderful social network of support via Facebook, Twitter, this blog and My Fitness Pal.
Starting March 4th I'll add to my support by being a co-facilitator/moderator on a weekly conference call support group. I'm once again partnering with professional life coach Gerri Helms. We still have five or six openings available if you're interested in being a part of this exciting group. The six week session cost $60 total. I can't wait to get into another 6 week session with the calls! It's Tuesday nights at 8 Eastern, 7 Central, 5pm Pacific. If you're interested, simply email me for more details: firstname.lastname@example.org
Wow. What a good day. I really wanted at least 15 pounds, I did---I really did. But you know what? It's coming. It's straight ahead. And when you're feeling that feeling of determination mixed with a balanced control, the anxiety is lessened... There's peace. And all of the goals feel attainable once again because you know, aside from a few adjustments here and there, the only other variables you need are patience and time.
Thank you for reading,