Monday, August 25, 2014

August 25th, 2014 Wearing The Tags

August 25th, 2014 Wearing The Tags

Shopping for clothes on the bad side of a regain is a miserable experience. Nothing fits, nothing feels right--and as the gain progresses, you graduate from the normal section to the bigger sizes and eventually to a different store. I experienced this painful progression during my regain. At one point, I simply found one sweater jacket that fit and I wore it everyday from October to April. I washed it regularly, of course, but it was everyday--same thing. Nothing else fit. A closet full of clothes and literally not one thing fit, except a few big t-shirts and the zip up sweater jacket. I found a pair of black workout stretch pants and I added those to the daily wear, simply because I didn't want to experience trying to find jeans or shirts that fit my rapidly growing body. The only time I would squeeze into a pair of jeans was when I had a location broadcast or special event I had to attend, where black stretchy sweat pants wouldn't be appropriate.

My heaviest regain point was 394. A full 164 pound regain. I was very lucky to have stopped at 394. The jeans I had to wear back at 394 were size 52's and they still cut into me like a dull knife, leaving me bruised and slightly bloodied on the worst days. I easily needed 54's but I was too stubborn to buy 54's--and also because buying 54's would have required a special trip out of town to a big and tall store. If I could just endure the pain long enough to get home and change into the big stretchy workout pants, I'd be just fine, even if fine meant hurting in the meantime.

Shopping for clothes during an awakening and total positive revolution is pleasurable even if the clothes are still much bigger than what I once wore. It doesn't matter. I know where I am headed, so I proudly wear what I must to be comfortable as my body cooperates with my positive behaviors and the weight drops. When I bought the pair of 46 waist jeans I couldn't get them on. But it didn't matter, I knew I would eventually. I just needed my confident patience. I laid them aside and kept on doing the things best for me. Finally a few weeks to a month later, they fit. And today I retired them.

Two weeks ago I bought two pair of size 44's. Same thing happened--they didn't fit. So I laid them aside. Confident patience told me they would fit in not long. I tried them again today and the fit was perfect. I was so happy for this non-scale victory, I didn't take them off. I was celebrating! The baggy 46's will be cleaned and donated to someone who can get some good from them again. They no longer serve my needs! My excitement was so, that I forgot to take off the tags. A colleague noticed the tags and offered to do the honors. It was a wonderful feeling. She handed me the tags and I tweeted a picture with my NSV announcement.


In a couple of weeks I'll buy some 42's. They'll probably not fit and I'll lay them aside. They will fit soon according to my confident patience. Oh yes indeed, they will.

I had some fun with foods today--creating some different dishes with some variety! I took to the elliptical and experienced a big sweat for 30 minutes. I kept thinking about these new jeans and how my perspective has changed. It's a 180 degree turn, just like the direction of my personal momentum.

My food tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

25 comments:

  1. Gotta love having to buy smaller pants, then growing too small for them! Congratulations Sean!

    Dede

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    1. Dede, thank you! Yes, indeed!!! Feels incredible.

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  2. I am so much enjoying reading your journey to RE-lose the regain. I am there too. Somehow I have gotten my mojo back and am feeling good. This summer after regaining 32 pounds, I could not fit into those size 10 jeans and pants I wore comfortably for over two years, so had to buy 12's and then 14's. But now the 14's are getting loose, and I've got a whole bunch of size 10 jeans in all sorts of pretty colors (I went a little nuts shopping after losing weight--since I couldn't shop for clothes in stores for so many years--it was all catalog shopping), that are waiting for me to get back to 150 lbs., so they fit again. Only 14 pounds to go! I can do this! Like you, I am confidently patient.

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    1. Oh Dupster--like music to my eyes to read your mojo is back!!! (I'm not sure "music to my eyes made sense) That's so awesome to read!! 14 pounds, Dup... Fantastic!!! Thank you for your incredible support. I'm so glad you're enjoying the ride along the way! I'm happy to say, I'm right here with you!!! Mojo is flowing!! You feel that too? :)

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  3. I went to the Big & Tall store last weekend (1 hour ride for me). Everything is tight on me from all the weight I've gained so I figured I would buy a few things to get me by until the weight starts coming off. Like you said, nothing fits, and nothing looks right. I walked out disgusted and decided I'll just have to wait.
    -FogDog

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    1. FD, I get your frustration--been there many times. My trip to Wichita (also an hour away) about 3 or 4 months ago was sobering--and really, kind of depressing. I bought 54 waist Levis--and two shirts...tried on countless pair and shirts---had a friend and my oldest daughter grabbing things off the rack and bringing them to me in the dressing room...It was horrible. The experience was a tough one to take. But what got me through it was reminding myself that it is temporary. the trip was before my epiphany day on May 15th...so needless to say I was feeling horrible about myself... Had the trip happened after epiphany day--then I would have handled it much better. I did somehow stay on track that day--but it wasn't easy...If you haven't gone back in the archives and read May 15th and May 19th, please do. Those were very powerful days that have changed my life in dramatic ways in a relatively short amount of time.

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    2. I checked out those posts... powerful word, thanks for sharing.

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    3. I'm so glad you did, FogDog. Those epiphanies have seriously impacted me--like, in a changed chemistry way--like my bio-chemical and physical makeup was shifted from that day forward.

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  4. Nothing motivates me like clothes do! New sizes are my favourite NSV`s. In fact, I like them more than the scale movement. I could relate to the painful memories and to the excitement of smaller sizes. Enjoy.

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    1. Divad--Yes, I agree, clothes are amazing NSV's --and it is amazing how as we lose and tone--we can experience them even when the scale is slow to move. Loving it, Divad!!! I sincerely appreciate your support!

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  5. Going down in size is most definitely more fun than going up! I can get fairly stubborn about buying bigger sizes but one of the biggest steps I took throughout my wellness workshop was to learn to accept my body right where it was - that meant no squeezing myself into too small clothes no matter what. Simple acts of kindness towards yourself can actually help your progress.

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    1. So true, Helen. It's a shame how poorly many of us treat ourselves in desperate situations... made desperate by our perspective.. I absolutely love it that you did that workshop and what it gave you was invaluable. I remember reading your blog when you were on the fence about the workshop... and then you finally committed--and it was a big, YES!! Thank you Helen!

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  6. That is a sad state of mind to be in. Glad you're not in that same headspace. Not dreading clothes shopping is a victory in itself!

    I felt the same way when I first gained in my early 20s. My wardrobe was definitely a reflection of what was going on inside; depression and just wanting to hide from the world. I was able to get away with it as I was working at a job where there was no face-to-face interaction with clients. Taking pride in appearance was not even on the radar. I had an outfit burning ceremony once I resolved some issues and came out of my fog.

    What are your plans for the sweater-jacket? Did your loved ones / friends make any suggestions?

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    1. I haven't any plans for it...but a burning sounds fun!!! It's so worn from daily use--I don't think donating it is an option. I wanna burn it!!!! One of my fondest memories along this road was when my daughter had lost so much weight she burned her girdle she was suffering in for so long. Yeah---we gonna have an Oklahoma bon fire!!!

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    2. What you described--the depression--the hiding... oh my, Nikki--thank you for sharing that. I totally relate. Thank you for your support, so much!!!

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  7. So relatable!

    I was cleaning out my linen closet, and came across a small L.A. Angels shirt I bought a couple of years ago; it didn't fit, but was so cute, I guess I saved it for 'some day.' I tried it on...it was almost too big. HAPPY DAYS. I also came across some size 12 jeans (I guess, saved for fear last year)...and I'm donating them. I will keep a single size up, no more...because I have faith in myself and primal eating, and know that this is ME for LIFE.

    Good job!

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    1. Love your Angels t-shirt story, Gwen!! I bet it felt amazing to wear. I like your strategy of keeping one size bigger, but no more!! Me for Life!!! Yes, indeed! And why not, right?? :)

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  8. I think I have told you this, but clothes are my measuring stick this go around. I haven't stepped on a scale yet. I am currently wearing 38 in the waist and a XXL for shirts. I have a dress shirt and a casual shirt that I am working to fit in comfortably, then goal 1 will be met. After that, I will pick out two more shirts and do what you did, go buy pants that don't fit...... yet. Like you stated, I am employing patient confidence. My choices are so much better here lately, and history has told me that begats success, albeit not instant. I actually plan to try on the shirts every couple of weeks or so. Even if I don't think I am there, I will try them on anyway and take notice of how I am closer!

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    1. Shane--your strategy is one for success--I believe it with all my heart. Excellent plan!!! 38 waist!!! Look at you, my friend!!! Wow. Very nice.
      "My choices are so much better here lately, and history has told me that begats success, albeit not instant."--That right there---that takes exactly what you're applying...a confident patience. I'm absolutely thrilled for you, Shane. I mean--overjoyed in every way.
      You've mentioned how I inspire you and I sincerely appreciate that. I want you to know you inspire me too. And with you, it's not just weight loss and transformation. What you've accomplished academically and now, professionally simply blows my mind and inspires me like crazy. I don't want to be a lawyer like you--but I aspire to have a better life. And you're living such a beautiful example of what that can be--and how it can be done. I've only met you once--and know you otherwise through my blog and yours--but I sincerely root for you all the time. Thank you for rooting for me, too.

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  9. Fount your blog reading someone else! I LOVE success stories! I love to read the journey of how and when you started . I love to read real people with real struggles of losing and maintaining. I started one year ago tomorrow and have gone down 10 sizes in pants! Holy crap! Yesterday I bought my first size 18 pants since I was 23 yrs old and I"m 51! That tells you a lot of me. Congrats on your size smaller!! I look forward to reading your blog!

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    1. Awe, A--I'm so glad you found my blog!! I sincerely appreciate your support. Congrats!!!!!!!!!! Wow!! Doesn't that feel incredible?? Age is just a number-- You've got some of the absolute best years of your life ahead of you!! Take care!

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  10. Right there with you. I barely fit into my 60's back in December. Now I close to your highest regain weight wearing 52's very comfortable and fit into my 50's. Going to were the baggy 54's for work a little longer as hay is very hard on the pants at the thighs, then retire them when 50's fit comfortable. In a few months, I will be fitting into my 48's and 46's which I have not worn for over 20 years. Even have 20 year old new pairs I have not wore. LOL It's great pleasure retiring clothes you will no longer need.

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    1. Yes--it is amazing!!! Jon, your enthusiasm is contagious. When i read a blog post from you--or a comment here, I can feel the joy and excitement literally come off the screen. You're in the middle of a transformation like no other-- and the work you do--it's amazing...
      I right here with you, my friend--every step. We're changing our lives in amazing ways.

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  11. What a wonderful feeling retiring bigger clothes is! Even better is having the confident patience that there's plenty more to be retired while you continue on.

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    1. That's it, Alati! This confident patience says "this is only the beginning" and suddenly it's much easier. Also, knowing that we are truly not defined by our size--that our worth is strong and valid regardless of our size or weight--is one of the biggest liberators of all along this road--from my perspective!

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